Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
