Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dignity is for republicans.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
