I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
