even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
