never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
