dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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