Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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