I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
