She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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