i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
