I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
