can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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