The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
