My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
