I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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