The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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