all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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