You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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