I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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