i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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