Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
