Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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