Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
