The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
