is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
this just has baby written all over it
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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