also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
