we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
