What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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