He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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