Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
