3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
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