The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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