Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
