You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
