I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
