My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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