you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
