Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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