so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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