I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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