the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
