Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
