I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
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