pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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