I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
