Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
