i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?