What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
