So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
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I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
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We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone