Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize