If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
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i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
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i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.