Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
