I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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