he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
