i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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