I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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