and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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