She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
