it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
