This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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