All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
