it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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