I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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