I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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