i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
