I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it