please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You're a disaster
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.