What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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