i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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