i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
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i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
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The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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