It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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