I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
