Porn is love you can see.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
