I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
