UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
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just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
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I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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