I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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