i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
